Tuesday, July 8, 2008

the closer I get to tomorrow the better I feel

Day 6 of treatment 7 ( Taxol #3) and I am better today than I was yesterday, and yesterday I was better than the day before that.
This Taxol tx was a nightmare(ish). Still nothing compared to the AC tx's but a nightmare is a nightmare.

So, Sunday (day 4) is my worst day. Ton's of pain, pain in everything south of my eyeballs. NO, I am not kidding, my teeth hurt, my finger tips hurt, my ab muscles hurt- and the shooting pains?!!!!! They were everywhere.
I was barely awake and the phone rang, it was my sister ( hey, if I blog is not for venting than what is?)
calling for the first time in weeks. She still wins the sibling race for calling though. My big brother( who mom forgot to tell us about for 20 years, but is in our lives now) was here for a week after my surgery and helped a lot with mom's living with cancer and her death last year. He called the day he got home in Feb and has not called since. he does not even know I am in chemo. Normally he does not call often, it doesn't bug me "normally"

My little sister is a single mom like me. Unlike me she has a full time job with benefits. I am (happily) self employed and I have no child support(he left the country and cannot be found) or benefits at all( and if you read this blog you know how expensive being sick has been for me) she is too lazy/ scared etc(whatever!) to do the work to get her ex to pay his share, and complains about it all the time. She will receive a bunch of money this year from mom's estate. In very simple terms she got cash, I got a house. We both are very very lucky as far as I am concerned. I hung up on her on Sunday when she had the balls to complain about money and that she had to take extra summer work .... She is a teacher and has the summer off but is choosing to work to make MORE money??

Meanwhile her kids have to be away from her all summer so she can have MORE money???

I counseled her through being beat up by her 6 figure income husband, I counseled her through mom's dying (when she bothered to show up to see mom), I helped her budget her way to getting out and getting on her own 2 feet etc etc. She has not shown up here once, not to see me, not to take my kid, not for anything.... but she "thinks about me all the time"

My brother, my sister and some of my best friends have been mostly absent during my whole illness and although no one is surprised it does not take the sting away.

Isn't it all too bad? Just once I wish the selfish ones could see themselves for what they are and how they hurt people around them... because I am convinced most of them have no clue.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I hear you Noelle!
I feel for you even more.
You deserve MORE than a break today.

By day 4 (which is also my worst day) of Taxol #1, I have developed a nasty UTI, apparently drinking 12 glasses of water a day ISN'T ENOUGH. Good thing I questioned the wicked bladder and kidney pain (since that is not listed as a side effect of taxol) I am having, cause otherwise, I'd have thought it was "chock full" of side effects.

More hugs your way ...