Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Shut uuuuup! You're alive!

Oh man, this'll be a doozy 'cause y'all soooo did not get what I was saying yesterday. Most days my reaction to people and all their whining amounts to one thing. SHUT UP! YOUR'RE ALIVE!!

I'm glad you enjoyed your Family Day. It's not like I didn't enjoy my extra day off either, but I just didn't see the point. In the big picture. I'm exhausted to the very core listening to people act like they are entitled to long weekends and short Fridays and blah blah blah. No, that day off was a priveledge. Oh, sorry you really "needed" that long weekend? FOR WHAT? To whine that it was cold out? To drive to Buffalo and spend your money there, not stimulating your home economy AGAIN? Did you have a great big "Family" dinner? (LOL! see previous blog entry re cooking a Family) As far as I know the airports weren't brimming with family members racing home to be together for Family Day weekend. NO! 'cause we only just annoyed each other over how to mash the damned potatoes 6 weeks ago at Christmas! I was a lovely day off but an unneccesary one in my opinion...

In my town the weekend mangled the economy of many small retailers. Typical long weekend stuff. Friday was dead, Saturday was dead, Sunday was dead and Monday we were closed. We still had to pay staff for the holiday too...
I understand there was a huge mall in Toronto that was open, and did a booming business. Hooray! Except for as a small business I can't afford the fines I would have to pay to be open on a stat holiday.

Yesterday was also quiet, apparently due to the fact that it was cold out. IT'S BLOODY FEBRUARY OF COURSE IT'S COLD OUT DEAL WITH IT!
Weather Whining is constant. I think some people just have the need to complain that it's hot, or cold, or the sun is shining in their eyes or something negative about the weather. Perhaps it's facebook, perhaps I just have to many "friends" and seeing over half of these people post negative crap about the weather makes me want to scream! I have to work today, but the sun outside is gorgeous and I would kill for the time to be outside in it. Instead I am writing to you. ;p

Someone posted this yesterday and started an interesting fall out on Facebook: "Happiness is a choice" I basically rung in with... "well duh!" Anyone knows that.... realizing of course(after being yelled at by a very unhappy person) that some people never ever work that out. My whole point here is (sadly) the name of a Hannah Montana song. Life's what you make it! Take what you have and make it the best you can. There will always be something in everyday that will suck, but there will ALWAYS be something in everyday that is great too! You don't NEED a vacation or a day off or a shopping spree. You don't NEED a specially designated day to celebrate having a family. You don't NEED much other than food on the table, a roof over your head and maybe one or two people on the planet that care about you. And some people never get this. Some people had no family at all on "Family Day" (are you finally getting that the name bugs me more than the day off???)
My Cancer group friend Dana, the one that died this week was one of the happiest people I've ever met. Through 5 or so years of cancer treatment she was still happy! My mom was the same during her treatment. They were physically uncomfortable, in pain, pissed off, scared but somehow through all of it they found ways to be happy. Dana didn't need "Family day" to celebrate family, not at all.
Accepting the hand you are dealt is the only way to function I think. Bitch and moan all you want, but if you really believe the outside stuff like time off work and new shoes will help then try it, but trust me it doesn't help. Miserable? Call that friend you haven't seen in awhile. Hungry? Well, likely there's something in your fridge to eat even if it's not the thing you are craving. I think you get the picture.

Oh and before you say it... anyone who knows me knows that I bitch and moan about a lot of stuff but to me it helps to get it out "better out than in" I like to say...
Winter Haters, this is for you. Yes, you can bitch and moan too, I get that... but seriously do you have to do it all the time? Taking your Vitamin D is good for you it will help you get through the hard season S.A.D and all that.. but you still can't live without sunshine! Go outside!!! 10 minutes a day it will help! Just "wear more wool" as my mother would say...
Really, much of the time you are the ones I want to say SHUT UP!!! YOU'RE ALIVE to.

Today, I will spend a lot of time thinking of an very old friend whose infant son was sick with cancer the same time I was. Somewhere in this blog I think I mentioned him. Yesterday was the third anniversary of his diagnosis, just a few weeks after mine. He died, I didn't. I will never ever, ever, no matter how hard I try be able to think of what the heck to say to his mom without feeling crappy that he died.... and that I didn't. Ya, survivor's guilt, I know... not much I can do about it... but it sucks. So, I will be sure to think about Harry when I go out in the sunshine for my 10 minutes(or more if I have time) and remind myself "Shut up.... You're alive!"

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Family Day?

So, in Ontario yesterday we had a statutory holiday called "Family Day". A day to "celebrate family" I for one am not sure why it exists. I understand there had been some strife over the fact that we didn't have a statutory holiday in the month of February so we had to create one. The US get's President's Day so we should get a holiday too!? It's not a federal thing, we still got mail, you could still get a passport. I bet those people in those jobs would have liked to spend the day with family but too bad for them!
In my opinion most Canadians work too little anyway. Two days off a week, two weeks of vacation plus dental, prescription, etc etc benefits. Nice gig if you can get it! What the hell do you need yet another day off for? To sit around and do nothing? To have yet another dinner with people you are related to that you may or may not like? Family day was created to get your votes and that's all. Do you really need more than 30% of the month off? Because in this 28 day month that's what you got!

Family Day? *Raspberry* at you!!

Sure, I'm cynical but I'm the one who saw almost no family support during my cancer treatment. My Dad and son were around and I was grateful for that help... but my brother, my sister and most of my "family" didn't bother to call, let alone show up. I only just found out that the bulk of the family on mom's side didn't even know I was ill.... due to the fact that one family member that did know " didn't feel like talking about it" so didn't tell anyone else!

Family Day? In a time where family-as we like to pretend it -means so little. People duct taping their babies to walls and chairs. Same Sex families having trouble getting married, adopting children, sharing their partner's/ spouses benefits, next of kin rights etc. The family unit as the movies tell us it should be barely exists so telling us when and how to "celebrate family" is crap to me.
If you aren't celebrating the people you love you shouldn't get to have a them. If you need the government to ask you to vote for a day to spend with your family then you clearly need to spend more time with your family on a day to day basis anyway!

I have a family, a small number of them are here where I live, some are blood some are not. I have family in lots of other places too. Glasgow, Texas, New York, Australia and many places in between. My cancer family is with me today because we lost another one of our group this week. Dana succumbed to the breast cancer that spread to her brain on Sunday.
Personally I have a long list of other things I would like to have a special day for:

-Stimulate the economy day -EVERYONE Gets a half day off, all the stores are open and we have to SPEND money in Canada on Canadian goods. So sorry, no spending money in the US today... or Walmart for that matter.
-Kids go to school but Parents get the day off day!Going back to bed required.
--People should spend more money in my store so I can go to Texas for a funeral day.

But really folks. You got your day off. With no traditions to follow like we do on Easter, or Christmas what did you do? What meal did you cook? Turkey? Ham?
What does one slow roast in the oven on Family Day? A Family? ;)
*rant over*

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Blue Moon? Twice?

Someone is trying to tell me something! Is it time for a trip to Vermont? Is it time to have some hangout time with my old pal Howard?
Last night I heard my beloved Dissipated 8 sing on my ipod. I hear them a lot, I have a few of their "albums" on there. But last night I heard Blue Moon twice in a row and two different versions both on the way somewhere and on the way back. 4 Blue Moon's? There wasn't a Blue Moon in the sky. Nothing odd had happened. Strange. But, I sang along happily anyway. I know both versions like I was in the group myself.That couldn't have happened of course, because I'm a girl and the "D8" is a male a cappella group from my alma mater Middlebury College.
I had been a huge fan of traditional barber shop quartet, a cappella group type music for as long as I could recall and that type of music has always been performed by various male groups in New England Colleges for and close to 100 years when I was in school and I loved the sound, the tradition and the goofy old songs.
I auditioned for the school's female counterpart The Mischords, didn't get in and that was the end of my college a capella dreams. So, for years I was involved in as many D8 events as I could be: initiations, reunions both official and unofficial. I was the ultimate hanger on, a groupie from hell. I developed humiliating and mind numbing crushes on a member or two... a few hearts got broken along the way but although I have many stories ....what happens with the D8 stays with the D8... right boys? ;)
A big part of the memories I shared with the D8 boys was the house on the Middlebury Campus where my friend Howard stayed when he was Chaplain at the school. There were lots of meals and parties shared there and a few impromptu sing alongs in the kitchen in that house, where I got to sing with the boys as I had always dreamed of doing.
So, today when this very special article about Howard showed up I knew someone had to be telling me something. I haven't decided what, but I think at the least it's time to plan some get togethers with my old D8 pals, who I only get to see.... wait for it.... Once in a Blue Moon!
This isn't my old Gang, but some youngn's carrying on the tradition in fine form.

Cancerversary the Third.... what do I get??

Today is the 3rd anniversary of my mastectomy. If you care to know the history go back to the beginning of this blog and you can learn it all.
In Cancer patient lingo many of us call this a Cancerversary.
To me, todays anniversary is the most important one since it's the day they cut the cancer out and threw it in the trash! Technically it is the day I can refer to myself as Cancer Free (although it took almost 2 years for me to get my stupid oncologist to use the words "Cancer Free" with me) so to me it's the key day to celebrate! 3 years cancer Free is a good number. I understand at 5 years I can stop worrying about the 2008 diagnosed cancer having spread to anywhere else-although I will always be higher risk to get new cancer than a person that has never had it...

Yesterday I found out a loyal client died in the fall from his dance with cancer. I never knew his name, just who he was, what he bought and that he had a nasty, nasty cancer that was similar to my stepfather's. He came in a few times a year since we opened(8 years ago) to buy bath bombs for his sister up North. RIP Bath Bomb guy. I hope you and your Harley have Friday the 13th everyday in heaven....
This week my cancer sisters and I learned that our glorious sister Dana may not have long left to remain in this world. Her cancer did spread, and she likely has no more cancerversaries to share with us, and her loving family. God, I have one request today: Dana has a grandbaby coming any day now and she needs to see it before she goes, can you make that happen?

Cancer, I hate your guts and it's my cancerversary so I'm going to get presents today... I just know it! For a wedding the Traditional 3rd Anniversary Gift is Leather. Can someone give me a leather whip so I can take a crack at cancer over and over and over again? Let me at ya Cancer, I'll do a KKK all over your stupid ass! Hang you by your wrists from a tree and whip you 'til you're bloody and raw and have no energy to fight back... Call me Massa while I'm at it will ya? Let me hear you say it while I whip you! "Yes Massa, I will leave your friends alone!"
"No Massa, I will not go into any more people's bodies and fight to take them from their loved ones!"

The Modern 3rd Anniversary Gift is Crystal (or Glass). Can someone give a Crystal vase to smash into shards so I can go all bar fight nuts and shred Cancer to death? I'll rip and stab and tear the flesh of the nasty thing. I'll grind the tiny bits into it's every cell.

Happy 3rd Cancerversary to me. I'm glad for myself, but I'd trade a year of my own Cancer Freeness to give Dana a year back... or at least a few minutes with that precious new grandchild....