Wednesday, July 29, 2009

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Tuesday, July 7, 2009


... Yolande said it best.... her Dad was dying and I was telling her about something not very nice someone said to me ... she said " no negative thoughts, we don't have room for anything negative"
Yolande died on the 4th of July 2006... just a short few weeks after her Dad. I guarantee you Yolande will stand by me with this post.

I don't like the media, I don't read newspapers, or headlines, or watch the news EVER. I think most of the lies and the way the truth is spun to sell advertising is shameful. I don't check the weather, I don't read People magazine.. I think it is all a big waste of time. Since being involved to a great extent with social media I am exposed to a lot more news. Happily, it comes as little one line blips that I can choose to read more about or not.

This past week I have read countless comments about the death of all the celebrities. I grew up watching Johnny Carson and Ed McMahon seemed to be a gracious and lovely host who had a long long life. Farrah Fawcett...I still have all my books and of course the Charlie's Angels t-shirt I begged my parents to buy me at the EX. Cancer took you too young, and everyone knows what I think of that fecker cancer...One day I'll watch your documentary about your travel with cancer, but for now it's too soon while I wrestle with the same devil. Michael Jackson...well... I'll get into it about him... but I liked him too.

I've been thinking about this post all week, the day that Farrah and Michael Jackson died when the nasty and negative Michael Jackson comments started. It has astounded me how incredibly mean spirited some of the comments and jokes have been. The thing that upsets me most have been the comments from the people on FaceBook that I have allowed to be in a list called "friends" many of the comments have made me think twice about who I really want to be friends with.

I was a half black little girl when I first saw Michael Jackson on TV. Like many many girls in the 70's and 80's Michael Jackson and the Jackson 5 were amongst our first crushes...I was more partial to Donny Osmond, but had a soft spot for my early crush on MJ my whole life. Those guys were on my first digital clock radio, in my first Tiger Beat magazine, on my Saturday morning cartoons, they were the posters on my wall and the pictures under my pillow at summer camp. MJ and Donny never called me racist names on the playground, never teased me for wearing purple socks, or hand me down clothes. In a world where I was lonely they were there.

As I am typing this, my friend Randie who died on July 1rst from Breast Cancer is being remembered in a memorial service by her friends and family. Randie was in my support group, but we never met... and I miss her.
Today someone said to me on FaceBook when I commented on his badmouthing the coverage of MJ's service "Enjoy your grieving process for someone you did not even know"
As I said... Randie and I never met.. and I knew her for a much shorter time than I experienced Michael Jackson in my life. Randie, I have a feeling... although I did not "know" you ...that in the heaven that I believe in... you will find Yolande, and my mother and a heck of lot of other people and all of you... will be walking... MOONWALKING with the beautiful Mr Michael Jackson.

The things people say, the mean things people type... actually scare me sometimes.
If someone from your street that you did not like died, would you sit and complain about what a jerk he was and say how you "don't understand why anyone would mourn him"? ...NO, you would just not attend his funeral, and perhaps feel bad for his children. So WHY is it ok for you to talk about Michael Jackson like that? I certainly hope I don't get on your bad side.

"Why should we care about him, it's not like he cured cancer or something?" No..he didn't but he gave millions of his dollars away to honourable charities.
"He was a Pedophile" .. well, that was never proven...
"I never liked his music" soooo, why are you even talking about him???? (I bet you a cocktail that you danced to his music at least once in your life)
Truly people, do you not have anything better to do with your time than to go on about someone you "did not know" or even like?

Don't get me wrong. I am by no means perfect. I complain about my doctors on this blog, on twitter I criticize how people park, or drive or dress.. but honestly..I don't think I use people's names or make mean comments or jokes about anyone after their death. Ok, sorry I lie mother was a royal pain in the ass and I say so but she knew I loved her.. and she knew I thought she was a pain in the ass...

I grew up in a house with very little money, but radio and TV were pretty much we listened and watched... I never owned a new record until I was about 11(Patsy Gallant, 1976's Are You Ready For Love?, with the disco single "From New York to L.A" yes, I still know all the words) I had an Osmond's album from a Garage sale... and I bought a Jackson's greatest hits cassette in the early 80's and learned all the words to Ben 10 or so years after it was released. We watched videos when MTV had free weekends on Canadian TV or on City TV's "The New Music" and we tried all the dance moves ...Didn't everyone who saw MJ do the first Moonwalk on TV try it in their living room that night??

Anyone who has ever desired to dance on a stage and tried to get even close to any of MJ's steps knows he was a genius in that realm. I spent a lot of time on dance floors in high school wearing one white glove and a bow tie dancing for hours... and having other people ask me to teach them how to do the robot, or the moonwalk. Was I good? Who knows... the only thing I cared about is that I was dancing. From the minute I was allowed in 7th grade to go to school dances, I was dancing. I didn't care if people teased me about my outfit, or the music I liked because I was dancing... and in my head I was in the happiest place I could be.. and Michael Jackson was on the speakers on many of those nights.

All I know for sure is that Michael Jackson meant something to me. Did the media blow MJ's death out of proportion? Sure, but they do that to everything. Personally, I think a football or hockey or golf game on the front page are annoying, but when your FaceBook status goes on about some game or player or other.. I refrain from calling you names for liking those sports.

All your comments have made it clear that you did not think Michael Jackson was perfect....Do me one favour?? Call me on the day that you are.

Monday, July 6, 2009

It's always something...

Today I feel like I can never get ahead.. financially or emotionally. I also feel like I am a whiny pain in the ass on this blog because I whine about the fact that I can never get ahead financially or emotionally.

Yesterday my precious post chemo gift kitten got really lethargic and was acting strangely, and today she is at the vet getting tests run.. since whatever is wrong has stumped the vet. Is it wrong for me to feel really really angry that not only do I have to deal with yet another financial set back with the vet bill... but also face the fact that my kitten may be soooo sick I will have to put her down? All my fault likely... I totally and utterly forgot to get her shots done...we wanted to let her have a litter of kittens and so I never took her to the vet... and I swear to GOD.. ya you.... GOD!!! that I completely forgot about the shots I was supposed to get. She kept running away and we were always so happy to get her back.. and she has been such a fun thing to have about the house with my cancer and my failing business and all it.. I just plain forgot.
What the hell is God trying to test me with anyway....For GOD'S sake... gimme a break already!!!

One of my Breast Cancer buddies died last week... she was diagnosed at the same time as all of my cancer sisters....and now she is gone. Gone from her 6 year old, gone from her husband, gone from everyone else who loves her..

I could bore you with a list a mile long to tell you all the crap that sets me back week over week over week. Heart tests are going badly, Heart tests are fine, Can't pay the rent, flood at the store, flood at my house, cat ran away, no money for groceries, can't sleep, sleep too much, can't find a babysitter, can't afford a babysitter, can't buy stock for the store, have too much stock at the store collecting dust, new bath product store opens two doors away, Someone dies, someone else dies...another local store scoops one of my product lines, toothache, earache, and on and on and on...

What is it all about? Am I at fault for all of this? Do I care too much? Maybe when all warm blooded creatures come near me I should just ignore them.. I certainly spend a lot of time mourning them, worried about them, feeding them....waiting for them...

Sometimes I am just tired. Not body tired... just emotionally wiped off the map for a few hours while I nurse the kick in the gut all these things do to me.

My mentor wonders why I don't get enough done in a week. I wonder how I even get out of bed at all.

I 've played Job in an early posting... I think I've survived the 10 calamities...someone hand me a hammer and call me Noah because building an ark would be easier than this...

I was in this musical a long time ago..still know every note..