So, today's thought/ question / query is... is being a grown up really just a series of procrastinations? Is it actually possible to have a completely unfettered moment with nothing looming over you? This morning I was angry and crying for being exhausted on a morning when I had a lot to accomplish. So, I got mad at myself for staying up too late the last two nights. Ok, honestly? I think I have stayed up too late for the last 4 billion nights. How many nights is every night since you were born??? 4 billion seems right. Why do I stay up late? Well, I think the reasons are simple 1) I don't want to miss anything i.e. the good part of the party/ book/ tv show/ email/the show that is coming on next etc. 2) I am a procrastinator extraordinaire. The act of procrastinating is such an art for me I procrastinate talking about or thinking about my bad habit of procrastination. Going to bed means giving up. Surrendering to the boring. I love sleep, but staying up is way cooler and more fun. Staying up late doing nothing in particular is my own personal protest to my lack of personal time.
I cannot think of a moment in a very long time where I had no commitments looming over me, or I was not doing my best to forget that I had a commitment looming over me. Do I pay for my procrastination? Yes, of course I do. Did I have to scramble to deal with laundry at 8 am this morning when I could have leisurely dried it and folded it last night instead of surfing the internet. Oh wait. I was surfing the internet about work, and finances, and talking on the phone about promotions for .. work. So while I was procrastinating the laundry, I was working. This morning I am blogging to you while procrastinating something else. Do all grown ups do this? Or are there people in the world who come home from work, eat dinner and watch tv and go to bed because they have very few commitments and did the laundry and vacuuming on the weekend??
Is this a personality thing? Did being born a high energy Sagittarius who does not suffer fools gladly make me like this? Could I ever be one of those people who works and comes home and does nothing and likes it? Or would I just be bored?
Today I say- BRING ON THE BORING!
The week I was diagnosed my joke was (after having no more than two years in the last 9 years without someone in my family having cancer) that I hope the next 10 years of my life is boring.
I have so much more to say, but I have a lot to do today, and task number one was already put off so I could stop and sit still and think and write this down.
I promised you pictures, I will get to it. I promise.