Wednesday, May 28, 2008

not in a bloggy mood

My partner tells me today I am not blogging or twittering enough.
So, here, I will try.
Today is 6 after chemo 4. Otherwise known as halfway through chemo. The last AC treatment sucked and I understand the T ( Taxol) will suck too but in a diff. way.
I am supposed to lie in the chemo room for 4 hours while they inject me with this and that, testing to make sure I am not allergic to things and waiting for 30 minutes each time. The nurse called it a "spa day"!!!! Spa DAY
!?? In the chemo room?
What? is she nuts. There is nothing about the chemo experience that will be anything like an effing spa day!
This week has been rough. I am sssuuuuppppper tired! I slept for 20of 24 hours on Monday.I am a little tired of talking about cancer too. I cannot have a conversation with a grown up without talking about it. Being well known in town means that I cannot go anywhere without talking about it. Sometimes I don't think about anything else, so the conversation naturally goes there, but man there are days when I wish I could hide from it.
So yesterday was a humbling day in a way.
I did not want to get up at all, like AT ALL!!
Strangely at about 7:00am Luke got up and got stung by a bee in the living room and came to lie with me while he recovered from the trauma of his first bee sting. I selfishly coaxed him to lie there a little longer while I languished in the bed a little longer. School could wait right??
After we got up I got him ready for school and had my sore back worked on by my magical Osteopath. I took Luke on some errands to ask for financial help for his summer camp expenses. The chemo and all the drugs I have to buy are taking a very serious toll on my meagre savings. Asking for money- A humbling experience.
After I dropped him off I saw a customer who is also an old babysitter of mine. She asked how I was doing and she said " I support your store!" I said I knew that and thanked her.... then she said " I pray! I support your store and I always donate! Have a great day!"
Something in the passion in how she said it almost made me cry!
I worked all the rest of the morning and afternoon and felt like crap and decided Luke and I would have dinner out because I could not imagine having the energy to cook. I took him to the local roadhouse type place where the food is not stellar, but it is reliable. I bumped in to an old friend there too. At the end of our meal, after seeing a few other people I knew and barking at my kid to sit still and chew with his mouth closed we said good bye to Marla and her family who were rushing off before us- to find out that Marla and her husband had bought our dinner for us!
Humbled- again!
It is amazing, in all my grumbling about not wanting to see people and talk about cancer the things I clearly have in this life are pretty special.

My old pal Howard told me once after he awoke from a coma after a horrible car wreck 2 summers ago how humbled he was when he learned of the prayers for his health and generosity of people toward his family while he was totally unaware. I think I get it. No matter what I am doing, thinking or feeling I have someone taking care of me, thinking about me, praying about me....
See? I told you. Humbling.

No comments: