So tonight I read this... it is written by a woman ( who I do not know FYI) on my fave Breast Cancer support site who has Stage 4 metastasized breast cancer. That means her breast cancer has spread to another part of her body: this is generally considered incurable.
Spent some time at the SYC Friday night with my loyal sidekick. We ran into a woman down there whom I adore...a true LADY in every sense of the word...someone I aspire to be like when I "grow up". And this woman said to me, "The thing that amazes me is every time I see you, you are smiling-and genuinely smiling." I said "That's because when everyone sees me, I'm not wrestling alligators...let me explain..."
Eighteen months ago I received the mind boggling news that I had been chosen to wrestle alligators. I have no formal training in wrestling alligators, had never studied the technique, and--let's face it--was often chosen last in gym when picking teams. Still, the telegram came and wrestling alligators it was. My life continued on the same course, except for periodically I would have to excuse myself from the norm, leave the room, and wrestle alligators. My friends and family are not allowed to come watch my matches, and I try to tell them about them, but the words are often hard to come by.
Going for monthly IVs which render me on the sick couch is difficult. Going for scans every three months to monitor the beast is excruciating... and getting harder and harder each time. I cannot even begin to describe the fear and anxiety that accompanies a late-stage cancer diagnosis... yet, I continue to try.
People look at me funny when I try to explain that I wrestle alligators on the side...surely I must be joking...I look too good (too healthy) to be serious. I don't APPEAR as though I've just returned from a death defying match. Still, if you look a little closer, I am somewhat disheveled, move a little slower, and the sparkle is sometimes a bit duller than it used to be.
I try to remember with everyone I encounter, that we all have our alligators to wrestle. My hope is that one day I'll be standing with my fellow Hot Cancer Babes at a huge yard sale...a yard sale jampacked with alligator shoes, belts, handbags, boots, etc. Until that day, we will all continue to hold hands and get back out
there in the ring.
So, my fellow bloggy readers, I hope that this rang true for you somehow.... or helped you understand a little. For me, it reminded me that given the cancer I got and how I feel right now... today, I am still one of the lucky ones.