It's funny you know. Every step of this cancer "journey" has been a trial of varying degrees. Most of it manageable with sleep, or tears or medication or gnashing of teeth. If you have read this blog from the beginning then you know the horrors I went through.
Tomorrow I get to take another step. I got a call to see my gene counsellor and I assume that I will receive the results from my long awaited breast cancer test when I see her tomorrow. I won't be holding my breath given the massive screw ups the cancer centre has offered me in the past. Maybe she just wants to have tea. ;)
Let's just assume shall we that my gene test result is sitting on her desk tonight and I will have the results in my hand by 2-ish tomorrow? That's my hope anyway. If I have the breast cancer gene I may likely choose to have my other breast removed among other things because my risk for more cancer would be higher.
I've been thinking lately, about 2009 and 2008 and how things simply must get better soon. '08 was my year of having cancer, then 8 weeks after chemo ended the press started talking about a recession in Canada. Sooo, '09 has been the year of desperately tap dancing to keep my business afloat and my store from going under. I was angry for awhile... thinking how unfair it was that the recession came right on the heels of a major personal health upheaval. Really? I kept saying... really???
Right after cancer you give me nail biting financial strife and many sleepless nights wondering what the future is supposed to hold for me, my business and my son.
Now... I say BRING. IT. ON!!! Because I can take anything! and this time I am a force to be reckoned with!
2010? Do you hear that? I am not going to take your crap!
Over the last few weeks I have been watching a new friend of mine on one of those reality shows where they are stranded in the jungle with very little food or amenities. Their only option to get food was to do these crazy challenges like eating cockroaches and untying knots in pools full of baby crocodiles. Watching the TV show (suspending my disbelief of course)I saw my friend go through all manner of emotional and physical states in 20 days some of it heart wrenching some if it exhilarating as I watched him survive hunger, conquer old fears, endure bullying from other participants and in the end come out saying what an amazing experience it was and how he has grown and changed for the better...
I know already that having cancer clarified a lot of stuff for me personally. I believe that seeing my store through a recession will allow me to have some more clarity professionally... boring perhaps but really, really huge for me.
Are you listening 2010?? I ran the gauntlet of 2008! I drank the cockroach puree of 2009... I punched those stupid crocodiles on my way into the depths of hell and I am still here!
I am sooo ready to be voted off the island and get back to normal... whatever that is..;)
I'll keep you posted about the gene test tomorrow...