Monday, May 4, 2009

Heather

Someone I know died from Breast cancer this weekend. I didn't know her well.
Her dad sat across from me in choir practice and her mom was my Girl Guide leader. My other Girl Guide Leader was her Godmother. I babysat her when she was young which means she is 5 or so years younger than I am...
She got sick before I did, and if I recall correctly they found metastasized cancer in her brain soon after her diagnosis. Mets doesn't ever look good, but brain mets is one of the worst from what I understand.
Her parents have been back and forth across the country many times to be with her through the process of surviving treatment and the process of dying. The look in their eyes broke my heart when I saw them over the last year. Broke my heart and made me wish this wasn't happening to them... or anyone else. Part of me felt so terribly guilty that I am doing ok so far and she wasn't. The old " I wish the floor would suck me up ..."rather than look in their eyes kind of feeling.
I get that survivors guilt is a very real thing, and this is not the first time I have felt it.

There are no answers as to why her (or anyone else) and not me. I guess the only thing I can only keep wishing is that things can be different ... soon... for the people who are getting diagnosed in the future, for the people who have mets now...
for me.
Cancer Sucks... I did not know Heather well, but I thought about her everyday... and I will be at her funeral trying to remember not to ask God "Why not me?".

1 comment:

TigereyeSal said...

Godspeed to Heather (and to you). I'll be at the funeral in spirit...