Bushtucker

It's funny you know. Every step of this cancer "journey" has been a trial of varying degrees. Most of it manageable with sleep, or tears or medication or gnashing of teeth. If you have read this blog from the beginning then you know the horrors I went through.
Tomorrow I get to take another step. I got a call to see my gene counsellor and I assume that I will receive the results from my long awaited breast cancer test when I see her tomorrow. I won't be holding my breath given the massive screw ups the cancer centre has offered me in the past. Maybe she just wants to have tea. ;)

Let's just assume shall we that my gene test result is sitting on her desk tonight and I will have the results in my hand by 2-ish tomorrow? That's my hope anyway. If I have the breast cancer gene I may likely choose to have my other breast removed among other things because my risk for more cancer would be higher.

I've been thinking lately, about 2009 and 2008 and how things simply must get better soon. '08 was my year of having cancer, then 8 weeks after chemo ended the press started talking about a recession in Canada. Sooo, '09 has been the year of desperately tap dancing to keep my business afloat and my store from going under. I was angry for awhile... thinking how unfair it was that the recession came right on the heels of a major personal health upheaval. Really? I kept saying... really???
Right after cancer you give me nail biting financial strife and many sleepless nights wondering what the future is supposed to hold for me, my business and my son.
Now... I say BRING. IT. ON!!! Because I can take anything! and this time I am a force to be reckoned with!

2010? Do you hear that? I am not going to take your crap!

Over the last few weeks I have been watching a new friend of mine on one of those reality shows where they are stranded in the jungle with very little food or amenities. Their only option to get food was to do these crazy challenges like eating cockroaches and untying knots in pools full of baby crocodiles. Watching the TV show (suspending my disbelief of course)I saw my friend go through all manner of emotional and physical states in 20 days some of it heart wrenching some if it exhilarating as I watched him survive hunger, conquer old fears, endure bullying from other participants and in the end come out saying what an amazing experience it was and how he has grown and changed for the better...

I know already that having cancer clarified a lot of stuff for me personally. I believe that seeing my store through a recession will allow me to have some more clarity professionally... boring perhaps but really, really huge for me.

Are you listening 2010?? I ran the gauntlet of 2008! I drank the cockroach puree of 2009... I punched those stupid crocodiles on my way into the depths of hell and I am still here!

I am sooo ready to be voted off the island and get back to normal... whatever that is..;)
I'll keep you posted about the gene test tomorrow...

3 years

3 years ago today my beloved Mummy died after a long, long 5 years with cancer, chemo and all the horrors that go with that. There but for the grace of God..... but anyone who reads my infrequent blogging knows that I am still here... alive and kicking. But today's blog is not really about me.
Because I live in the house she spent her last days in I see her in everything and life has thrown me some curve balls lately so she is closer than ever.

My dearest Mummy, I have you with me with every stir of a pot, with every thread in a needle, with every clank of a glass. Your words spring from my mouth and my son looks at me like I am crazy, just like I must have to you....I have collected people in my life who say canny, and besom and twee and my chip pan is full of lard. My dishes aren't done, and I work too much but the food is good and I am teaching Luke to cook. Now because of a strange but neccesary turn of events in my business I will be following in the footsteps of Grump(my Mum's Dad for those readers who don't know), Uncle Gordon and you and with your old black hairdressing scissors in my hand I'll be cutting hair. There are lots of moments I wish you were here. There are lots of moments I know you are here and with every snip I have a feeling I will know more and more....

Chemo Curly? This event is for you!

Dear CurlFriends, Curls in Disguise, Chemo Curly's & WavyCurls too,

I am so crazily excited to tell you about this event I can barely type! My Friend, Curly Mentor, the original DevaCurl Angel Lorraine Massey is coming to see us at our boutique in Dundas! On October 25th Lorraine & her amazing staff "Curl-Man" David will regale us with curly tales, tips & tricks to help you live frizz free no matter how curly or wavy you are! Bring us your curls, whirls, nappyness and all & we'll teach you the magic of the Deva! Leave your blowfryers and your troubles at the door, we'll spoil you with curly deals & a refreshment or three!

Bring a canned good to donate to the local food bank & we'll trade you for one of our favourite bathing treats.

I cannot wait to see you & all your smiling faces to greet our guests! More details and RSVP contact below... Yours as always, Noëlle
Want to reserve your free spot at the CurlyCon?
You choose- October 25th 1:00pm or 3:30pm to reserve by phone 905 627 9379 or email ellenoire@ellenoire.com or use this link to the website...
Watch this video for more info on DevaCurl!

New Day !

My friend Jenny is hoping today is a New Day....I guess she had a crappy one yesterday. The words "New Day" always make me think of this song...



I first remember hearing it when my beloved Dissipated 8 sang it at Middlebury... and listen to it on an ancient scratched CD when I need to. The song ties so many people and so many memories together it is hard to even know whether it is actually memories I think of when i hear it or I just sense the many faces and landscapes pass through me as I hear the words and music. The Mountains, my many many friends over many many years... and it has become one of my fave songs that is also tied to my breast cancer years... as some of you know my doctor gave my a semi official cancer free status yesterday... or as I like to call it... No Evidence of Disease (aka NED) So, today truly is a New Day!

Someday, maybe me and some of my many many friends could get together so I can get a chance to sing it...if, I could actually get through it without crying that is...
Cheers to a New Day! For Jenny....and for the memories of Yolande and RanD because you are part of all my New Days

A Woman's Work ....

By the time you read this, I'll have an IV needle in my arm... or maybe I'll just be sitting in a waiting room, waiting for someone to put a needle in my arm. Today is my last cancer treatment. Barring anything unforseen, and of course assuming that I don't get cancer again... I won't have to be back in a cancer treatment chair ever again.

I just finished watching my favourite TV show a few hours ago.
So you think you can Dance... have you ever seen it? I started watching it last summer when I was in chemo. It made the summer pass a little quicker, getting excited every week about the dancers and who would dance what style and how well. There was a brief time I though I wanted to be a dancer, and this show has stoked that fire a little. I don't watch much television and this show made me fall in love with a show for the first time in a very long time. This season a choreographer named Tyce Diorio created a Dance piece dedicated to his friend Michelle who has endured Breast Cancer. In the audience when it was performed again at the finale tonight? Christina Applegate, who was diagnosed when I was in chemo. She was crying, I was crying .. lots of people watching the show were crying.


Skip the talking at the end, if you want to... and yes, I wish it was the original Kate Bush version of the song too.


I wonder, if I saw this last year while I was still in hardcore treatment how I would have felt. I wonder if I had seen this before I got cancer would I have really felt much at all. I wonder, if cancer had never touched me, where would I be?....who would I be?....What is this failing business, this chapter of cancer ending.. what is it all about? Where is it all leading me?

This morning, I found the hairdressing scissors that my mother used to cut our hair my whole life. She cut my customers hair until a few months before she died from cancer. 3 summers ago I watched her health decline after 5 years in chemo. I was there everyday through every step of cancer treatment and her death process.
Last night someone told me I should be using those scissors to start the next phase of my career.

This afternoon I chatted with one of the favourite people in the neighbourhood of my store. His wife has terminal cancer, she has had treatment after treatment after treatment. I looked into the eyes of a man exhausted by the pain of watching his wife suffer, he saddened himself by the fact that he was grumpy today when she never complains about the daily injections, nurse visits and dressing changes. I told him I get his part in the cancer stuff... and for the most part.. I get hers too.

Tomorrow I pack a gift for another cancer friend in her 3rd summer on chemo.


Today I met a customer who was diagnosed with breast cancer soon after I was...she disappeared after her treatment started. I worried about her. I was very excited to see her!
Her newly grown hair looks like what we refer to as chemo curly....

I wonder if she'll need a haircut soon.....

Want Cancer!?

Tanning Beds deadlier than ever suspected!
Tanning Beds As Deadly As Arsenic and Mustard Gas
Check out this link...


http://windycitizen.com/wdfI
skin cancer jumps by 75 percent

Smile.....

... Yolande said it best.... her Dad was dying and I was telling her about something not very nice someone said to me ... she said " no negative thoughts, we don't have room for anything negative"
Yolande died on the 4th of July 2006... just a short few weeks after her Dad. I guarantee you Yolande will stand by me with this post.

I don't like the media, I don't read newspapers, or headlines, or watch the news EVER. I think most of the lies and the way the truth is spun to sell advertising is shameful. I don't check the weather, I don't read People magazine.. I think it is all a big waste of time. Since being involved to a great extent with social media I am exposed to a lot more news. Happily, it comes as little one line blips that I can choose to read more about or not.

This past week I have read countless comments about the death of all the celebrities. I grew up watching Johnny Carson and Ed McMahon seemed to be a gracious and lovely host who had a long long life. Farrah Fawcett...I still have all my books and of course the Charlie's Angels t-shirt I begged my parents to buy me at the EX. Cancer took you too young, and everyone knows what I think of that fecker cancer...One day I'll watch your documentary about your travel with cancer, but for now it's too soon while I wrestle with the same devil. Michael Jackson...well... I'll get into it about him... but I liked him too.

I've been thinking about this post all week, the day that Farrah and Michael Jackson died when the nasty and negative Michael Jackson comments started. It has astounded me how incredibly mean spirited some of the comments and jokes have been. The thing that upsets me most have been the comments from the people on FaceBook that I have allowed to be in a list called "friends" many of the comments have made me think twice about who I really want to be friends with.

I was a half black little girl when I first saw Michael Jackson on TV. Like many many girls in the 70's and 80's Michael Jackson and the Jackson 5 were amongst our first crushes...I was more partial to Donny Osmond, but had a soft spot for my early crush on MJ my whole life. Those guys were on my first digital clock radio, in my first Tiger Beat magazine, on my Saturday morning cartoons, they were the posters on my wall and the pictures under my pillow at summer camp. MJ and Donny never called me racist names on the playground, never teased me for wearing purple socks, or hand me down clothes. In a world where I was lonely they were there.

As I am typing this, my friend Randie who died on July 1rst from Breast Cancer is being remembered in a memorial service by her friends and family. Randie was in my support group, but we never met... and I miss her.
Today someone said to me on FaceBook when I commented on his badmouthing the coverage of MJ's service "Enjoy your grieving process for someone you did not even know"
As I said... Randie and I never met.. and I knew her for a much shorter time than I experienced Michael Jackson in my life. Randie, I have a feeling... although I did not "know" you ...that in the heaven that I believe in... you will find Yolande, and my mother and a heck of lot of other people and all of you... will be walking... MOONWALKING with the beautiful Mr Michael Jackson.

The things people say, the mean things people type... actually scare me sometimes.
If someone from your street that you did not like died, would you sit and complain about what a jerk he was and say how you "don't understand why anyone would mourn him"? ...NO, you would just not attend his funeral, and perhaps feel bad for his children. So WHY is it ok for you to talk about Michael Jackson like that? I certainly hope I don't get on your bad side.

"Why should we care about him, it's not like he cured cancer or something?" No..he didn't but he gave millions of his dollars away to honourable charities.
"He was a Pedophile" .. well, that was never proven...
"I never liked his music" soooo, why are you even talking about him???? (I bet you a cocktail that you danced to his music at least once in your life)
Truly people, do you not have anything better to do with your time than to go on about someone you "did not know" or even like?

Don't get me wrong. I am by no means perfect. I complain about my doctors on this blog, on twitter I criticize how people park, or drive or dress.. but honestly..I don't think I use people's names or make mean comments or jokes about anyone after their death. Ok, sorry I lie ...my mother was a royal pain in the ass and I say so but she knew I loved her.. and she knew I thought she was a pain in the ass...

I grew up in a house with very little money, but radio and TV were pretty much free...so we listened and watched... I never owned a new record until I was about 11(Patsy Gallant, 1976's Are You Ready For Love?, with the disco single "From New York to L.A" yes, I still know all the words) I had an Osmond's album from a Garage sale... and I bought a Jackson's greatest hits cassette in the early 80's and learned all the words to Ben 10 or so years after it was released. We watched videos when MTV had free weekends on Canadian TV or on City TV's "The New Music" and we tried all the dance moves ...Didn't everyone who saw MJ do the first Moonwalk on TV try it in their living room that night??

Anyone who has ever desired to dance on a stage and tried to get even close to any of MJ's steps knows he was a genius in that realm. I spent a lot of time on dance floors in high school wearing one white glove and a bow tie dancing for hours... and having other people ask me to teach them how to do the robot, or the moonwalk. Was I good? Who knows... the only thing I cared about is that I was dancing. From the minute I was allowed in 7th grade to go to school dances, I was dancing. I didn't care if people teased me about my outfit, or the music I liked because I was dancing... and in my head I was in the happiest place I could be.. and Michael Jackson was on the speakers on many of those nights.

All I know for sure is that Michael Jackson meant something to me. Did the media blow MJ's death out of proportion? Sure, but they do that to everything. Personally, I think a football or hockey or golf game on the front page are annoying, but when your FaceBook status goes on about some game or player or other.. I refrain from calling you names for liking those sports.

All your comments have made it clear that you did not think Michael Jackson was perfect....Do me one favour?? Call me on the day that you are.