The joke of the season

so I am sooooo rife with exhaustion I can barely make a sentence without mis-speaking a word or forgetting my thought half way through. This is normal for me at this time of year. Somehow I am usually a little more organized in the shopping department.
The groceries are being delivered tomorrow, but I forgot to order the dishwashing detergent. I bought the Christmas tree, set it up and decorated it and now it won't stand up straight. It has a full on leaning tower of Pisa going on. Last year it fell over twice, so I guess leaning is a step up.
I got the key "Santa" gift of the season, and it only took traveling back and forth across the Hamilton mountain twice in white out snow conditions to get it. I did get almost 4 hours in the car alone listening to music while I ran all kids of work and some personal errands when I found the gift so I guess that should make me feel rested.. or something.
We got all but one gift shipped today at the store.... none of my personal gifts or cards are even remotely ready... oh well. My peeps won't hold it against me I guess. I used to love spending tons of time and money wrapping gifts in an interesting way. Stationary and wrapping paper have always been a passion of mine. I almost had palpitations in the new Martha Stewart paper craft section at Michael's today... tomorrow after work, I will come home get my kid to do some last minute shopping.. come home again and clean the house and do the dishes( if I remember to get the dishwashing stuff) I will take stock of what I have bought and figure out what gift bags I have from last year that I can reuse AGAIN to chuck this stuff in..
Ya, honourable in the spirit of reusing stuff, but totally boring in the spirit of gift wrapping specialness.
I had a mammogram last week as you know... and so far noone has called me to make me get biopsies and horrible other things... which was what happened last time I had a mammogram. I think that is a gift.

Bloggy readers …. No I am not lost!

I think of you everyday and wish for a wireless connection from my brain to my blog and you could see the thoughts I send you everyday.
This past few weeks had been totally crazy. Lots of milestones, lots of good and bad news. On November 24th we finally buried my mother’s ashes after 2 years of them sitting in my house. Her ashes sat next to the sewing machine for a long time; she would have liked that. On Dec 2nd I turned 42, I worked all day and had a last minute unplanned home cooked dinner with Tim. On Dec 9th my first and only child turned 10. On that same day my best childhood friends’ mother died. Today Dec 16th I had my first yearly mammogram since I found the cancer last year. In 2 days it will be the anniversary of finding my lump.

Since I wrote I have had heart tests and results and it is confirmed that my heart is not quite right since starting the herceptin (the drug that counteracts my her2neu- the funky protein that makes my type of cancer extra nasty) SOOOO, now I get to go to the Cancer Centre every 3 weeks for herceptin, and every 6 weeks for Heart tests (RNA/ MUGA scans) I am not having any symptoms of heart problems, but my scan results have dropped since my first one, so we have to watch it.

I plan to start back to triathlon training in January once I get through this nutty Xmas season at the store. I am sitting here in the chair getting Herceptin now so I just have to hope everything will be ok.

Ok, my IV is done. I will post more later I PROMISE!!!!

Note to self

this is day one after 2 days off which were after 28 days of coming into the store... my to do list is total madness.
Here is my list of things to do and write about:
Kill the staff for not mopping the floor.
How much does a boob weigh anyway?
tell blog readers about moms burial( just her ashes, she died 2 years ago)and my thoughts on that.
Tell Blog readers what I eat for breakfast
Find an Angel Investor to get the store through Xmas.
Send store newsletter out
Oh, write store newsletter in order to accomplish the above
Try to work out why no one is Xmas shopping yet
Try to convince customers in above mentioned unwritten newsletter to not shop in the states this Friday.
Update the website
Update the Aframe outside
Set up the stereo in the store or hire someone to do it
Hang the curtain in the store
spray paint the chandelier for the store window
Do the other store window...
Start a new blog just for the store.
Get the lost and found kitten chipped and collared.
clean house, do laundry,
Eat well, sleep 8 hours a night... uummm ya right!
Coolio.. there is my list.
Dear Bloggy readers.. feel free to bug me about getting these things done!
Gotta run, customers are here...
Later!
N

Heart news #2 #4? 7?? Whatever???

OK, so the stupid doc finally called with a pathetic excuse for an apology. The nurse was supposed to call me with test results B4 the heart scan department called with the second heart scan test info. My baseline heart function was 55-57 in August, now it has dropped to 50. All of these numbers are in the "normal" range but a drop is cause for "caution" so they are testing me again. The protocol for Herceptin stoppage is a drop of 15 or more, so I could do my next Herceptin on the 24th and the next heart test on Dec 5th and still likely be safe/ok (or perhaps drop to 49.... WTF?) So, since I was hoping to have my Herceptin on the 24th in the morning, so we could finally bury my mom's ashes on the 2 year anniversary of her death in the afternoon I decided to postpone the scan until after the next Herceptin. So, now I have 3 weeks with no Hospital visits. I thought it was idiotic to have more Herceptin until after the scan.

Worst case scenario? If the heart still keeps dropping then we can stop, let the heart recover(Herceptin damage to the heart is not necessarily permanent) and then they can start again.

So, I get the 24th free to bury Mom's ashes and get that FINALLY taken care of. It is a long story why it did not happen b4, but it was all about Money and Timing, and since she requested a plot in a section of a cemetery that was not open yet we held off... and then I got cancer.

Doc called 3 times.. left messages at my house. I explicitly left my cell and my store numbers on the message this morning....NOT my house number.

Like I said.... hiring policies at that hospital..... !!!???

Hearty Heart Heart

I called the docs office and nicely but firmly compelled the receptionist to make the Doc call me back. The Head Onco was busy, but she did try... and I told her the other Doc knew me better... and not to bother having the nurse call...

I think the interviews for help at that hospital must have gone like this: "Got Medical Qualifications? yes!

Are you an idiot??? GOOD you are exactly what we are looking for!"

you gotta have heart !

Here is my stupid cancer news. Got a call the other day for a heart test appt. I already had a heart test last week( Herceptin, the anti cancer drug I am on right now can cause serious heart damage so they test me every three months) the first one since Herceptin started( aside from the pre Herceptin baseline test). Results are supposed to be to the doc within 24 hours. No call, so I assume the news is good. I called this morning to say, I got a second call about a heart test, but I already had one.... and left another question about a forthcoming appt. change. The Receptionist said the onco nurse would call. She did... left a message on my cell Voice mail... saying "we need to do another heart test because there was a drop in function and we need to confirm that is was real.. oh, and I can change that appt for you. Call the office if you need anything else... bye!"

BYE!ANYTHING ELSE???? WTF!!!!

A WEEK! A FECKING WEEK they had those negative results and no one called me???

AND my next Herceptin is BEFORE my next heart scan??? What? So they can just gamble that it will not do more damage!!?

I am LIVID!

and here I am 6pm, and have to wait until morning to find out WTF is going on...